DeeDee’s date went well.

12/18/09

Dear Diary,

Tonight I went out with Kevin, and it was so much more fun than I thought it would be!  First he came over and met Mom and Gary, and some of the brood of kids

He was perfect!  Charming, smart, funny, but not stuck up.  He talks to adults like he’s an adult, not like a kid.  He doesn’t get all sulky and act like they’re stupid or out of the loop or anything.  They really liked him, and I think they’ll have no problem with me going out with him again.  And neither will I!

We went out to eat at the old diner, and some of his friends came, and we all talked in a big bunch, laughing at dumb things teachers do, and parents being silly.  It was so light-hearted that I felt like I was in an old teen movie from like the ’60s.   And a great song came on and all the girls danced in between the tables and I did, too.  It was SO goofy and so fun.  Then we went to Martin’s house since his parents were out of town.  We each had like ONE drink and then Kevin and I went into the office to talk and be alone.  I think the rest of them were playing spin the bottle.

He was pretty gentlemanly, but also definitely a guy.  It was nice.  When a guy is super-aggressive, I just walk away.  But Kevin was perfect.  Yeah, really pretty much perfect.  It was really nice.

After I got home, I looked out the window, just to see the moon, but I happened to glance in Jack’s yard, and someone was in the back yard, smoking.  I hope Jack hasn’t started to smoke.  It’s so gross.  Maybe his mom started up?  I think she used to smoke in college.  (But all grownups say that when they’re trying to warn you away from something that they enjoyed themselves: I only tried it in college!  It was horrible!)  Oh well, I guess maybe that family isn’t my destiny after all, so I don’t need to worry about their lungs.

Love,

D

DeeDee has a date!

12/15/09

Dear Diary,

A senior guy has been staring at me in the halls all semester, and he asked me out today and I said YES.  Well, I said, “Sure. That would be cool.”  We’re going out on Friday night, and he’s going to meet my parents first.  That works out perfectly so that I can keep Ethan all to myself.  Kevin’s like the sacrificial lamb!

I know Mom and Gary will be worried that he’s a few years older than I am, but they’ll like that he gets good grades and he’s on the basketball team.   They think that means that a person won’t do drugs, because they have to sign a pledge to stay clean.

Kevin’s parents are still married and are quite respectable, so that will also go in his favor.  Yeah, he should distract them from wondering where I go on Sundays.  If I seem day-dreamy, they’ll think I’m mooning over him.  I won’t have to pretend not to be love anymore!

Kevin seems okay.  I’m not just using him or anything.  I mean, it’s not like I asked him out just to distract my parents.  HE asked ME.  He’s not a jerk in the halls, like that stupid Milton.  He’s not dumb — he’s in an AP class.  And I guess I like that he’s pretty tall.  So, it should be fine.

Love,

D

Oh man, what “practice on” mean?  No, don’t tell me — that’s my sister!

12/13/09

Dear Diary,

I’ve been seeing Ethan a little more often, and I can’t tell Lauren or Neve this, but we are totally in love!  I mean, we’re still seeing other people and everything, but we are definitely soulmates.  I feel like writing sappy teenage poetry.  All the other guys I see just seem like little boys.  They are fun to play with, or to practice on, but they are nothing compared to Ethan.

Lauren actually has a boyfriend, but he’s in college.  They’re supposedly exclusive, but she thinks he cheats on her.  She doesn’t really care because she doesn’t love him.  She says that having a heartbreaking relationship is part of being a teenager, and so she’s going through the motions.  Even if you don’t like someone that much, a betrayal can still break your heart.  I know it’s weird, but whatever new philosophy she comes up with, I have to support her.  That’s part of being a true friend to her.

Neve is totally in love with some drop-out who works as a mechanic.  I don’t know — isn’t it dumb to not finish high school?  I know it’s kind of stupid and often just a waste of time, but it’s just one of the rites of growing up.  I guess if he really wants to be a mechanic, maybe he doesn’t need a school education?  Well, at least our very different taste in guys means that we won’t ever compete for the same one.

Even though Neve and Lauren and I all have guys in our lives, they’re both still good friends to me and I’m a good friend to them.  This could never have been the case with Susan.  She’s dating some senior guy now!  And she’s with him almost all the time, and she seems to have ditched Katie.  At lunch, Katie stares at her across the cafeteria and they both look like sad skeletons as they each drink a bottle of water and eat an apple.  That’s it!  It’s horrible!  I tried to talk to her last week because I felt badly for her, but she wouldn’t even say hi to me.

Ethan is going to visit his mom for Christmas break, and I will miss seeing him.  But I’ll be busy with my family stuff, and buying presents and baking and everything.  And we can text a little and email each other.  I can’t talk on the phone in this house because of all the little ears.  If Mom and Gary thought I had a boyfriend, they’d insist on meeting him, and his dad, and knowing about his mom, and it would just complicate everything.  Plus, I like that he’s just mine and no one else in this whole town knows him better than I do.  He’s mine!

Love,

D

DeeDee is either really wise beyond her years or incredibly gullible.  Or kind of a slut.  Hard to say, yet.

11/16/2009

Dear Diary,

Ethan has come to visit me every Sunday now!  He works on the weekends, so I can spend Friday and Saturday nights with Lauren or Neve.  I’ve been so busy, I have nearly forgotten about you.  My life must have been pretty pathetic when I used to write in here EVERY DAY.  I guess Susan just didn’t fill up enough of my life. 

I guess she’s not really filling up enough of Jack’s life, either, since I saw him holding hands with ANNA on Friday!  When I saw it, I almost screamed out loud, but I just stayed calm and tried to stare without anyone knowing I was even looking at them.  They were VERY lovey-dovey.  I saw Susan later and realized I haven’t even looked at her for a long time.  She totally lightened her hair, and cut bangs, and looks kind of … gaunt.  She was sitting with Katie and I’m afraid she’s starving herself.  I hope it’s not because of Jack.  I feel really sorry for girls whose whole life is based on whether or not high school boys like them.

Yes, I get the irony!

Ethan and I are not exclusive, which would have really bothered me not too long ago.  But honestly, whatever he does Monday through Saturday means nothing to me.  Probably if I had to see him with other girls, I’d be jealous.  But since we don’t go to the same school, I don’t really care what he’s doing when he’s not with me.  And I can have fun when I go to parties with Lauren and her private school friends, or ones with Neve’s older friends.  There are tons of guys out there that I can mess around with and never have to see in English class.

Oh yeah, I ended up telling Ethan all about my dad leaving.  Also I told him about losing my best friend (but I didn’t tell him that it was over a guy).  He told me about his parents’ divorce and custody battle, and how his dad’s never around and Ethan has to work to pay the bills that his dad should be paying.

We are like best friends now, but also he is the best kisser.  And I’ve kissed *a few* guys now, thanks to Lauren and Neve (mostly Lauren).  Even though we’re not boyfriend-girlfriend, Ethan and I have sort of made this promise to each other, and it sounds dumb — I don’t have time to explain it right, but we promised to be loyal to each other.  We’ve both been betrayed and abandoned by important people in our lives, and we’re never going to do that to each other.

I feel surrounded by people who are looking out for me.  Since Dad left, I’ve never felt so safe!

Love,

D

In this episode, we meet DeeDee’s new crush, and he’s a 90s throwback!

11/02/09

Dear Diary,

Ethan came to visit yesterday, and I met him at the mall again.  We just walked around, talking about all kinds of things.  Okay, mostly talking about him.  I felt like such a dork, but all I could think of to say was more and more questions.

I hate talking about my own family.  It’s embarrassing to have a Deadbeat Dad.  It’s like, I wasn’t worth it for him to stay in touch with me when he left Mom.  He left both of us and never looked back.  It isn’t really a story for a first date type thing.

And then there are all the step-kids and Gary.  That’s not the happiest tale of my life.

How about losing my best friend over a guy I’ve liked for my whole life who doesn’t have any interest in me?  Another thing not worth bragging about!

So, I need to figure out how to talk about myself without sounding like a pathetic loser.  But in the meantime, Ethan is definitely crush-worthy, and SOOO cute!  And his old grunge music is sort of good.  We listened to his iPod for a while and I kind of liked some of it.  Did I mention he’s totally cute and does not look like he’s in high school?

I know, I’m swooning.  But I can’t drool over a high school boy to Neve or Lauren, so I have to let it out here    ♥ ♥ ♥

Way, way, way cuter than that cheater Mark!

He said he’d come see me again next Sunday, and I hope he does.  I will play it cool around Lauren and Neve, but inside, I’m all Jellified and Butterflied.

Love,

D.

Hey, Readers!

I got grounded from my computer for a week and could only use it in the living room, in front of my parents to do my homework.  Man, it sucked!  I would tell you what I did to get in trouble, but this isn’t my diary.

10/25/2009

Dear Diary,

I can’t believe I haven’t written here for a week!  So much has been happening.

Mark keeps emailing me, like I’d ever hook up with him again now that I know that he has a girlfriend!  Supposedly her parents are super strict so she never goes to parties — not that he ditches her to try to pick up other girls.  He says they’re broken up, but I don’t believe him.  I don’t even like him anymore!  Why does he keep emailing me?

Neve is really fun, even though she’ll never be a warm or cuddly type of friend.  We’ll never share all our secrets or anything, but I think we are going to be really good friends.  It’s funny — when I’m going to talk to her I find my inner voice saying, “Get your game face on.”  It’s like we have more of a professional relationship, even though that doesn’t make any sense.  This friendship has boundaries and she doesn’t want to hear any whining or mamby-pambiness.  I don’t know what made her like that, but teenage silliness is like, unacceptable to her.  I try to pretend that I’m older when I’m around her — like 30!

These new friends are giving me a whole new perspective on life.  I don’t have to be a squealy, giggly, boy-obsessed teenager.  I can choose to be past that, or above it.

Neve and I went to the new mall — it’s where you have to walk outside to get to anything, not the 1980s kind where it’s all enclosed.  I met the cutest guy there.  He goes to school in another town, but not too far away.  He has his license and his own car!  He might come see me next weekend.  His name is Ethan and he is into old grunge music, like Nirvana, and he paints.  I’m not sure WHAT he paints — like he paints houses as a job?  Or he paints pictures?  Or he spray paints graffiti??  Maybe I’ll find out if I ever see him again.

Anyway, I got a few new clothes and I’m totally getting a Look together.  It’s happening kind of gradually, so Mom and Gary can’t be too concerned about a drastic change.

Oh, and Neve is totally on board with me being D, even though she writes it “Dee”.

I’m keeping busy enough that I have cut way down on looking at Jack’s house from my bedroom window.  I still look at it, obviously, but like half as much as I used to.  I really miss the idea of us being together, and the idea of being able to hang out with his family all the time.  They’re so… stable.  They don’t have a million stepkids everywhere you look, and too many pets, and I guess it reminds me of when Dad was still here.

Jack’s dad totally makes me blush when he looks at me!  He’s parent-old, but still kind of attractive.  And I keep thinking about how much I liked just talking to Jack’s mom while she did stuff around the house.  She used to be in her kitchen and back yard  all the time, always cooking something and running outside for herbs from her garden, and feeding neighborhood cats, and picking flowers, and I would just like for her to still be there.  And I would like to be there with her.  Or be her.  I’m not sure.

Love,

D

Readers, I don’t think DeeDee has ever gone a whole week without writing in her diary.  Getting a real life seems to have put a damper on her need to record her every thought.

10/18/09

Dear Diary,

Lauren and I went to party again last night, and I found out from some girl (who barged in on me in the bathroom!) that Mark totally has a girlfriend and I’m The Other Woman!  I was so mad!  But it was also kind of exciting in a movie way.  I’ve never been The Woman before, let alone The Other Woman.  I stormed out onto the porch and screamed at Mark about him being a liar.  Then Lauren and I took off, and once we got away from the house, we laughed and kept shouting in crazy voices, “You’re just a big LIAR, Mark!”  “Where’s your GIRLFRIEND, Mark?”

She wasn’t too mad about leaving the party early.  She had to get the car home anyway, so her mom wouldn’t find out she was driving it.  She has a learner’s permit and is a good driver, so I feel safe riding with her.  Still, her mom gives her a lot of freedom because she trusts her and Lauren doesn’t want to betray that trust.  Or doesn’t want her mom to find out that she betrayed it. 

Anyway, Lauren has a whole philosophy about boys.  She doesn’t think you should get serious about a high school boy, under any circumstances.  Imagine if you married your high school sweetheart and that was your only boyfriend, ever!  You’d miss out on so much fun.  So, you just have fun and when it’s not fun anymore, you move on.  I’m trying on that attitude.  I think since her mom got divorced a few times, Lauren doesn’t really believe in love.  I still do.  But, it’s not a bad idea to try not to take teenage boys seriously.

Oh, and Lauren got into trouble after all because she drank two beers from the fridge after we got home and she’s grounded next weekend, but I’m going to stay the night at Neve’s house.  We’re going to rent movies or something.  I’m glad to have another friend and glad that I won’t see Mark again for a little while.  I will have to work on being indifferent when I see him.

Love,

D

Uh oh, readers.  It looks like Jack has been replaced in the New DeeDee’s heart.  How will he ever survive… if he notices?

Dear Diary,

I am definitely D now!

Lauren introduced me to everyone at the party that way, and since they’re all from the private school she used to go to, I didn’t really know many of them and they didn’t know me.  I got to be like a whole new person.  I didn’t even think about Jack the whole time.  Especially since there were a bunch of older guys there!

I did think about Susan — how she would have been so snotty to everyone, and how now I would think that was rude.  I used to think it was funny, because she was pretty much nice to me and mean to everyone else.  But now I can sort of start to see why Mom said she was a rude girl.  Don’t let Mom find out she was right!  She already thinks she knows everything.  She’s always trying to teach me a lesson.

Anyway, I totally liked this guy, Mark, and he liked me.  I was so different and confident with Lauren there.  She just expected me to be cool, and not be shy, so I was cool.  I was D, not DeeDee the baby who only likes to talk to Susan and Jack and Jack’s mom — who you can’t even hear when she answers a question in class.

Mark already emailed me about missing kissing me!  He wants to get together again this weekend, but I don’t think I’ll go unless Lauren will go with me.  Groups are safer.  I don’t want to be totally alone with him yet.

Ugh.  I have so much homework to do now, plus chores.  I better not look too happy in front of Mom or Gary, or they will get suspicious.  Teenage girls are always having to scowl just to keep their parents from prying.  I can’t wait until I can just be free and do whatever I want!

Love,

D

10/10/09

Dear Diary,

Tonight is the party with Lauren!  Yesterday at school I finally asked her what she’s wearing, and she said when she goes to parties she always wears jeans and a tight white top.  That’s her thing.

She totally gave me the once-over, thought for a minute, and said that MY thing should be “schoolgirl”.  She said she knows what kind of clothes I have, and that I can’t all of a sudden ask for a bunch of different clothes or Mom and Gary would get suspicious.  So for now I have to work with what I’ve got.  Gradually, I’ll replace my wardrobe with better things, but a sudden change would be like a warning sign to parents.

So I’m wearing a kind of short skirt and a ringer t-shirt and I’m going to put my hair in pigtails and wear baby pink lipgloss.  It’s going to be so fun!  I’ve just been boring old me for so long, and I’m kind of tired of that girl.  It’s time for something new!

Wish me luck.

Love,

DeeDee

P.S. Lauren thinks maybe I should go by my real name, but I hate Deirdre!  It’s so weird!  But I’ve been thinking maybe if I meet any new people I’ll introduce myself as Dee.  Or even just D. Maybe.

Today we read about an impending turning point in DeeDee’s life.

10/08/09

Dear Diary,

Things are looking up a little bit!  I made a big effort for the last couple of days to become friends with both Lauren and Neve.  They’re not friends with each other, but that’s okay.  It might give me the chance to meet all their friends and have double the opportunities to do things other than mope around, thinking about Jack.  (Yes, Mom’s been lecturing me about finding more friends and I’m trying to take her advice instead of resenting her for it.)

Lauren invited me to go to a party with her Saturday night and spend the night at her house.  Mom is so glad that I’m trying to have a friend other than Susan that she agreed, without even having to talk to Lauren’s mom or check if she has a prison record, ha ha.  She remembers Lauren’s mom and her ex-stepdad from when Mom used to help out at my elementary school.  She knew lots of parents back before Gary came into our life.

Now I have to try to figure out what kind of clothes to wear and how to do my hair.  It’s a party with guys, of course, and she said that most will be older than us.  I’m not sure of all the details.  Everything I own seems so BABY now.  I HATE all my clothes!

Wish me luck!

Love,

DeeDee

Is there any way that this will turn out like she hopes??  I’ll try to post again later tonight but I have to babysit the little guys now.  Stay tuned!